I was very much angry with Lalitha, my wife! She was pushing and rolling me for quite some time, refusing my divine early morning sleep.
Around 5 in the morning, I could feel her slowly lifting my cover to make room for her. Of course, there was still a pillow between us. The pillow was my defense to prevent encroaching my subtle ego.
But I knew perfectly well what would follow next, still-by-still… After all, I am seeing the same old game for the past 30 years!
In sequential spurts, exactly the same was unfolding upon me this very moment.
30 years!… and yes, I am helpless; neither did I want any help.
Any little help would have spoiled our coexistence and separated us for long!
Let me explain…
Yesterday night we had a small spat. Don’t ask me, “on what?..” Because by now, I had completely forgotten what the crux of our argument was. But usually, that is how it is!
Only thing is, I used to carry the fighting flavour at least for a day or two.
Since the beginning years of our marriage, I made sure one thing – that I never appease at the first instance. That was because I always felt, I never did any wrong; so why should I pacify?…
Seeing all the movies and hearing numerous stories on how a husband slowly becomes a domestic slave, I was adamant on this one thing – never become that usual slave…
I was indeed successful for all these 30 years!
Contrarily, I never expected her to be my slave. I just expected “wisdom” to replace our “egos.”
I had this “clarity of marriage” with all the experiences and challenges of life. But, Lalitha was always the usual girl in our normal society.
Initially when I tried to ingest some rationality into her, most of the time she fell asleep. Indeed, many times when she feels sleepless, she asks me to call someone and talk. She always trusts my talk than the sleeping pill!
Now coming to the present ordeal, slowly the morning game started to become a little rough – normally a presage to physical forces.
At first, she placed her left hand on me. I was still pretending to be asleep. She was calm for quite some time, say some 15 minutes or so. And then, she pulled the pillow off leaving me off of my significant defense! I knew shortly the engulf could be pervasive.
But today, I didn’t want to leave it as I normally do. Though I didn’t remember what was the cause of the fight yesterday, I had a firm sense that I fought for a “just” cause! I was determined to hold on until she regrets or at least understands.
I just didn’t want to silly the situation and risk another, probably multiple situations like this to happen anymore.
And so, I was adamant though the proximity grew nearer and nearer. I was careful enough not to move. She waited for some time and then started pulling and pushing me. Now, it seems that she had dropped all diplomatic efforts.
By 6:30 a.m., it was at its peak! Lalitha was crying while at the same time thumping, punching, and poking at me – she had started using “that” physical force!
I was practiced to all these plights and “30″ years is not an ordinary practice! Almost Three decades now!…
I thought I was calm, but slowly I knew I was becoming irritated.
Normally, I would go and get milk from the traditional milk vendor before he shuts shop by 7:30 a.m. Getting milk is always my duty whenever I am not out-of-station. I was religious in my duties. But today, I was not inclined to buy milk. It is not that I didn’t want to, but it was because of yesterday’s fight.
Normally she never reminds me to buy milk. But today right from 6 a.m., she was insisting me to go and get the milk. It is just a trap, attempting to start interacting with me, as though things were completely normal. Too smart…isn’t it?
At 7:10 a.m., my alarm rang – an everyday reminder to get milk. But today, I was least bothered about the milk.
Lalitha waited for a minute or so after the alarm. Seeing no movement from my side, raising her voice she asked, “are you going to get the milk or not?”
I didn’t reply and was adamant not to reply even if she repeated any number of times.
But when she asked the second time, involuntarily I replied, “today, I won’t; if you want, go, get it…”
For another 10 minutes or so she asked the same question again and again. Somehow she knew I won’t go and get the milk today.
Getting this sense, my wife fiercely stood up and vanished to another room. With my eyes half-closed, I was waiting for what Lalitha would do next…
Finally, she came out dressed, ready to go out, holding the milk bottle, seemingly determined to walk a kilometer to get the milk. She crossed me, heard the front door shut and climbing downstairs…
Suddenly, it flashed upon me that the “milk” was not a trap to talk to me. Instead, she very well knew how much I was addicted to her morning coffee. Preparing and observing me tasting her coffee was something that she enjoys every day. She perfectly knew well that without that coffee, I am half dead. None of my cells would be awake without her coffee. She knew that and she always wanted to give me those things that would make me happy including the coffee.
All the time she was torturing not to hurt me! It was only because she was completely disturbed since yesterday’s fight. It is her way of showing her regrets.
Now that I am adamant and not going to get the milk, she knew she will not get the joy of giving me the coffee that I liked the most!
As she realized this, without a second thought, she orphaned her ego for the sake of me – her most beloved being for 30 years!
All the so-called torture is nothing but a showcase of her own inability in front of complex confusing logic and rationale.
One thing is for sure – she is pure with love and nothing but love!
This flash crashed upon me! I felt her as an innocent child and any further I couldn’t lie down inertly! As she climbed downstairs from our home, I was already dressed and charged. Before she could pass a few steps on the road, I was already on the bike passing her impassive – my ego, you know!
She knew I would come back with milk and with few more cuddling acts, I will be back to normal before yesterday’s fight.
After all, we never fought remembering the cause of the fight.
At our age of 57 and 55, we always needed a time pass!!
The “girl” and “boy” in both of us have to live for some more time, isn’t it?…
Courtesy – Unsplash
After all, we only fought to spice up our love!